Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
