so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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