for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
