I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
