I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
