He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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