I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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