Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
