I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
