there's paper in my vomit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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