whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
