I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
