i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
