And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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