I accidentally had phone sex last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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