he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
