He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
