She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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