maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
