I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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