For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
