fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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