I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
