I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
this hospital has no fireball
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
