i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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