We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Success! We fucked roommates!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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