the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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