I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
