$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
