God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
