you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
