The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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