how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
