Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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