Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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