lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
