Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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