dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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