R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
