This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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