Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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