We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
