i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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