Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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