U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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