and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He better not be in your backpack
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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