I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
