I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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