Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
