I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
