I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
