fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
