just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
