Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
