Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
