And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
