So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
