it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..