i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
