And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you traded sex for a burrito?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.