Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.