I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker