Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.