This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
