Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
