You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
