matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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