So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
