i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We named our party play list daddy issues
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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