Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
