the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
